I read that last entry earlier today and I don't even remember writing it. I was kind of wowed by what it said, partially because it was weird to see in words how accurately I felt then and also because it was weird to see in words from them how accurately I still feel now. six months later and I still feel like my mental health is forever on the brink. I feel like my mind is screaming at me sometimes. sometimes I really do feel like I'm losing it. but then I look around at my apartment and my dogs and my cat and my car and my job and I can't jut fuck up all of those responsibilities by having a mental fucking breakdown. not to mention the added financial stress that would undoubtedly come along with that. the thought running through my brain that prompted me to once again return to diaryland was "need to get thee crazy out. need to get the crazy out. need to get the crazy out." it was either this or cutting. I've been trying not to cut, but, FUCK, it is difficult. I'm twenty fucking three years old and I STILL have not managed to learn another coping skill. what the fuck is wrong with me? that's all I keep coming back to: what the FUCK is wrong with me??
10:28 p.m. - 2012-07-11
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